As an Army Wife I know the struggle of loneliness, the pain of separation. There are quick fixes to sooth these aches and I would like to suggest two: Pornography and Chocolate.
Let’s start with Chocolate. The immediate satisfaction of dark chocolate brings an instant smile to my lips. But that smile is as fleeting as the taste and I reach for more. One of my deepest struggles is that I am an emotional eater. Because of this, when my husband is deployed, things like chocolate ice cream are banned from our home. I will happily sit down and eat the entire gallon only to end up with a stomach ache and overwhelming guilt before the spoon ever hits the bottom.
Pornography is widely accepted in our lifestyle, for the men and the women equally. What lonely Army Wife doesn’t want a small guiIty pleasure like Magic Mike or 50 Shades of Grey filling the empty hours. I have been to a number of girl’s nights out where the topic of Matthew McConaughey and Channing Tatum in their ACUs or lack of was the forefront of conversation. We send porn to our men down range and we stash it in our rooms in the form of movies, magazines, and on our computer. When our men return home it is not uncommon to pop it in and enjoy a show together.
Recently Moody Publishers sent me the book Dirty Girls Come Clean by Crystal Renaud for me to review.
Crystal Renaud is very honest in her own struggle and mixes practical help along with testimonies of women who have overcome and many who still are struggling to overcome the addiction of pornography in their lives. The author’s desire to help women live full lives is obvious. It is a confessional of her own struggles and a testimony of triumphant to any woman who feels like she is alone in this addiction. Porn is no longer a “guy thing” and Dirty Girls Come Clean gives women who struggle the resources and tools necessary to gaurd their hearts and their minds. I strongly recommend this book to any woman struggling with porn addiction and to women ministry leaders who need to come alongside them to help them in their battle.
You can follow the author, Crystal Renaud’s blog at dirtygirlsministries.com/blog/
Now I know I’m not winning friends here but I have to say it- pornography, no matter how innocently it is first approached, is not good for our marriages. It leads to expectations in the marriage bed that cannot be met. I have seen lives and marriages destroyed over what started as a guilty pleasure during times of separation.
And yes, I’ve heard the argument, isn’t looking better then cheating. My response isn’t remaining pure and loving and fantasizing only about your soldier even better. Jesus said, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28 NKJV). And ladies that goes same for us.
Lust has been the downfall of many in real life and in literature. (Just to name a few: Sampson, Helen of Troy, Bella from Twillight, Jimmy Swagart, and I would list a few politicians but one only need look in their twitter feed …) It leads to war, to defeat, to death, and to prostitution. Sadly it contributes to human trafficking as well. (don’t believe me, just google “porn and human trafficking” or simply check out CBN’s report on a documentary called “Sex and Money”)
If you struggle with pornography know that you are not alone. There is help. In the book there are steps that it walks you through and there are support groups like the Good Women Project and Dirty Girls Ministries where you can find loving, non judgmental help. The first step is just talking about it.
So what in the world does chocolate have to do with pornography. Besides being a major temptation a large portion of the world’s chocolate sales contributes to human trafficking. (not all chocolate, but to much)
“Example – chocolate. 40% of the world’s cocoa is grown on the Ivory Coast and is sold to chocolate makers like Nestle, Hershey’s, and Mars/M&M. The U.S. State Department Human Rights Report on the Ivory Coast for 2003 estimates that approximately 109,000 child laborers worked in hazardous conditions on cocoa farms in what has been described as the worst form of child labor. Many of those children were kidnapped from other countries and trafficked in as slaves. “ End Global Slavery by Julie Clawson, author of Everyday Justice and The Hunger Games and The Gospel.
Our secret indulgences do hurt others. The things we do late at night affect more then our waist line and sleep. But the good news is we can change the world. By making small changes in our life styles, by being accountable to others, and by researching where our money and time go we can make big strides in our personal well being as well as the world’s.